Often I wonder what it’s like to know exactly what to do next. I am of the mind that likes to know the way, read the manual, do things by the book. I have spent my life trying to fit myself into the right path. To follow another’s example. I often think to myself, ‘oh that’s how I should act’. Or, ‘that’s what I should say’.
I wasn’t wrong. We all learn from the people who we surround ourselves with. We learn how to be the best version of ourselves through a collection of experiences and interactions with other human beings. We are reflections.
I think I hit the wall when life ceased to be routine. When your life finally becomes your own, for someone like me, it gets real confusing. Other people, who have always known what they need and what to do, don’t seem to have this problem. These are the people who don’t need to be asked to tell you how they are feeling. The people who will say what they need to say without thinking twice. These people, as I have observed, carry less of the weight of their own emotions. These people seem to know what to say or how to act because they maybe don’t feel the need to think twice. Act on a feeling, and the result will show you what to do. You will respond to the reaction you get. The trick lies in knowing when to act. If I could just act on every feeling maybe I wouldn’t feel so confused. Act, react, repeat. It sounds simple, and yet I have never been able to do it.
As an over-thinker of absolutely everything, I have confined myself to this routine approach to life. Call it over-thinking, or being a stickler for the rules, or maybe a lack of esteem, but whatever it is has had me wondering how to approach what’s next for me. I find my self grasping at what I can find to provide the tools for my next act. Taking what I can find. When I don’t find what I think I needed, I am at a loss. I retreat back to what I know. Routine. Instructions. The already paved road. What I often fail to realize is that those other people find their tools within themselves. They have everything they need. We learn from those around us, but we have to take the tools we learn from them to decide our path. To decide how to act, what to say. I, too, have everything I need. What is next is up to us, but to know this does not mean you are all-knowing. It simply means, that you know what to do next.
